monday

monday and i forgot to bring my laptop's charger

i also forgot to bring my phone's charger and it's been over two weeks without taking my adhd meds which is fine but also not fine because i really enjoy taking the neurospicy skittles and being a functional being who doesn't forget the basic tools that will be used on her day to day

it's all cool and chill and ok but i truly just want to go back to that sweet spot in january when everything was fine and dandy and life seemed to be having a nice time

monday a sunny monday a sunny and glimmery monday

woke up on monday alone in my house wishing things were different but not doing anything different to have them changed

monday to listen to the same songs i've been playing over and over again in my head since friday and wishing things were different in my playlist too

monday, bloody monday

how i wish things were different 

how i wish i felt differently

how i wish i would stop wishing and wandering around without much sense

i know what i like what i want what i enjoy and what i don't and when i try to tame myself under the explanation of a common and regular human being i commence to drive myself nuts

my mind keeps replaying the last convo with my therapist where he asked me about the need to be entertained

why do i keep making believe that things are more interesting than they really are

why do i hang out with people that make me want to bring the moon to the table to have something in common to talk about because of how boring i find them

why do i want to not be the person i am when i am the most entertaining being ever to have been alive

i have my mind set on the person that i used to be and the person that i used to want to be and i bang my head into the wall asking for explanations and updates and comments on things that only mattered to me when i was a different person

no more explaining or asking or entertaining boring thoughts that do not resemble the colorful bouquets of thoughts that grow in my brain ridges 

not really sure what to do now that i've unveiled the truth, shoul i grab a drink or dye my hair again?