Nostalgia is a universal patch - [ I'm outta time / Oasis ]

He empezado a hacer las paces con el hecho de una es el conjunto de las personas que han cruzado por nuestra vida, y que siempre será así, y que no es sino un fenómeno maravilloso para admirar.

I've taken my life and put it in little frames in front of me; I've decided I wanted to understand better why was I feeling so painstakingly nostalgic about a memory long gone and long lost, so I went for a walk around my street and I started thinking about you, and your hands, and about the day we went together to the place where I now live. And I remembered the sweater you wore, and how you had forgotten your mask, and I gave you one of the spare ones I always carried with me because back then we were still scared of covid but you had already closed the door and you did not have your keys with you and there was no way you could get back into the house to take a mask without the alarm going off and your neighbours noticing there was a girl with you, also, our taxi was already there and we had to move quickly if we wanted to get things done. It was always about getting things done. It was always about doing something. It was not so much about being together, but about doing something, whatever, but not sitting down in silence or accompanying each other, it was about crafting a plan and executing said plan. Not allowing the air to run in between us, not allowing things to smooth in between us, not allowing nothing to happen to us. We were meant to be together and that was a fact and we were not to screw with it and attempt to make things different because we were both in love and we understood each other so good, talking was unnecessary. I remembered the pictures I took and I remembered your pose, and the cookie you chose to eat and the way you offered me a piece of it and again, the pictures I took. And I remembered your hands, again, I really liked your hands, I liked the idea of your palms closely holding me. 

When I started to feel sad about remembering you (because now I don't necessarily get sad because of you but because I remind you; it's frustrating and tiring to long a memory of a person who was not even there when you were recording the memory in the narrow depths of your intricate brain), I looked around myself and saw a lot of you everywhere, and when I decided I wanted to listen to some of my favourite tunes to cheer up, I saw you in every single one of them because I had showed them all to you, and you liked them, and for some reason that had made them yours forever to keep; thank god music is eternity and that there is never enough music and there there will never be enough music.

As I walked back to my house, crying, feeling stupid and lonely again, I realized there was no way I could ever stop feeling this way. I loved you, I had loved you, I used to be in love with you. There was a moment in my life during which you had meant the world to me. There was a piece of you in every word I spitted out because we had read them together, hence, they belonged to both of us, and to us only. There was a piece of you in summer, and in winter, there was you in the sunset and at night, there was you on my birthday, and there was you under the sun even though you hated the sun. There was you everywhere because I had lived for you for a while and there was nothing more powerful than living for a human being even if it is for a while.

But after seeing you everywhere, I started to see everyone there too. Not just you, but your friends, and my friends, and your friend's girlfriend that I never got to meet but that I knew was super pretty and I had pictured walking with her down the same road I was walking at that exact moment because I thought we could've become great friends simply because she had this cute profile picture that anticipated her to be the kind of girl I could become friends with. I started seeing my friends, walking high at night and talking about eternity and love and cigarrettes as if those things were synonims. I started seeing my neighbours, and the cute guy that always held my sight whenever we crossed paths. I saw the girl that inspired me to buy the dress I was wearing, and how pretty I thought she was, and I remembered how much I wanted to approach her to tell her how beautiful she was but I got nervous and she left too fast, so I bought a dress that reminded me of the pretty girl that lives somewhere near. It made me feel weird and kind of scared to see so many pieces of myself belonging to other people, I remembered the day I started to use the phrases I now use on a daily basis, and then I outlined my life and looks and likes and music and taste in books and I saw a bunch of dear people I had almost forgotten but that lived there, right there, in me, in my skin, in my soul, in my nostalgia. And I missed them. I missed them, right there, I missed them with your tears, and then with your tears I cried for them, and then they were no longer your tears and I started to pour tears for everyone I had ever met that had meant something to me and I decided that I was okay with being a quilt, and colourful and multidiverse quilt, that had huge patches and small patches, and bright yellow patches, and brown patches, and they belonged to someone who had decided to accompany me in my journey at some point in my life.

I cried and it relived me to see things inside of me belong to other people; I was no longer feeling alone, or broken, or as if something was missing. I was at home and there were visits there to see me, we had a good laugh about the memories we so wholeheartedly wanted to forget, and drunk wine and laughed again because, right there, in the middle of the gathering, there was you, in your sky-blue pants and white shirt and messy hair and you raised your glass to toast for eternity, and turned around and merged in the indistinguishable sea of people that had been part of my life and that I held dear and close to my heart because they (you) had built me into the (very unknown) person I was that day.

Since then, everything has changed. And it will continue to do so. Take a look around you, appreciate what you have. Nothing will be the same in a year.