about wanting to get drunk and lose all inhibitions with my own self (the masterplan, again)

lately, it's all about losing the desire to be awake, and lose all connection to reality. lately, it's all about hurting, and being in pain and despair. it's all about feeling and becoming miserable, to let the whole of infinity to swallow you in one piece.

to be in pain is to be alive and it hurts so bad i want to disappear, smush, fly away.

some days i wake up to the disaster in my head, in my mind, i have already fixed all the holes that have been spookying my guests. i wish to say that i need to see everyone in here before they leave, i want to remember how my house looks when it is not lonely, inhabited by ghosts and ghouls.

all we know is that we don't know how it's gonna be

(...)

we're all part of the masterplan

Preguntas tontas que le hago a mi psicólogo

David, ¿cómo podría asegurarme de que no estoy disociando los traumas y dolores actuales? En plan, siento que estoy manejando las cosas demasiado bien, y me asusta pensar que en realidad solo estoy disociando y en un futuro, voy a crashear con todas las huevadas que me van a tocar superar. yastoiarta.

No me acuerdo exactamente qué fue lo que dijo el David, pero sí me acuerdo del concepto de "bro, what feels like the most honest version? what you're doing, whatever that is, or what you wished you were feeling or doing".

hay días más complejos que los demás, generalmente somos capaces de regresar, hoy no.