Notes before a therapy session where I don't have anything specific in the agenda to talk about (Not Today - Twenty One Pilots)

Don't you test me, though; just because I play the piano doesn't mean I am not willing to take you down.

Anger is this new feeling I am learning to feel and think and express. I wish it was easier for me to identify the things that make me feel angry, I've dealt with silence and comprehension and understanding and being a loving and caring human being, but for the longest time, I've also dealt with the anger of not understanding why do I have these confusing, dark feelings.

There's a pressing iron chucking my breath when I have to process this estranged nature that my voice was taught to forget; I have cried way too many times in front of the mirror, hoping that things will be different one day. I remember taking pictures of when I wished I could scream instead of cry. And by the end of it all, I recognized that in those tears, there was value and a firm conviction in believing that I did not deserve to be treated as badly as I was.

I want to be angry with people for not respecting my boundaries, for not respecting my decisions, for not respecting my life and my peace, and my silence, and my voice, and my laughter, and my desperate need to listen to music every day of my life and to discover every crevice of wonderful genres that I still have not discovered.

I know my soft side; I know my caring, empathetic and loving, and forgiving side. I've been way too soft, and caring, and empathetic, and loving for so long. And I do not want to stop being this person; I don't want to stop feeling my soft nature, but I want to focus on growing those weeds that anger brings out in me.